A Change of Pace

Sometimes I don’t know what to write about. I mean there is soo much out there, and things happen so fast–I mean the government, political threats, religious threats from inside Christianity, religious threats outside Christianity and on and on. You probably struggle with these issues too. Well here is a change to make you chuckle.

I’d like to take credit for it, but my sister-in-law sent it to me. Forgive me if you have already seen this floating around on the web, but as a dog person it kind of struck home with me.

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door:

Dear Dogs:

The dishes on the floor with the paw prints are yours and contain your food The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not mean that it is suddenly your food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the top of the stairs is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space that you are taking up, is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog’s butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

  1. They live here. You don’t.
  2. If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That’s why they call it FUR-niture.
  3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
  4. To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

  1. Eat less
  2. Don’t ask for money all the time
  3. Are easier to train
  4. Normally come when called
  5. Never ask to drive the car
  6. Don’t hang out with drug-using people
  7. Don’t smoke or drink
  8. Don’t want to wear your clothes
  9. Don’t have to buy the latest fashions
  10. Don’t need a gazillion dollars for college and. . .
  11. if they get pregnant, you can sell their children…..or not.

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